"Its hard to pretend you love someone when you don't but its harder to pretend that you don't love someone when you really do"
budakkacamata here. hey people it's been awhile since i post a blog. well, lots of weird/shitty/unexpected/shocking/heartbroken stuff that has happened for the lasts 4 days. seriously, i don't really like the things that's happening to my life right now. i'm in a discontenting mode all over the place and channeling weird/random/awkward energy to the people around me but i doesn't affect my friends at all. it's just having that thought when you are no longer friends with someone that you really like and knowing that she's out there with a man whose better in looks, charm, attitude or whatever things that comes to my mind which remind me that he's with jane doe, the girl of my dreams.
i just know bout this act of shock just 4 days ago in my car where my classmate which is socially close to jane doe told me that she's with another man and just when words that are coming from my classmate's mouth coming to my ear, i just want shout with my frustration feeling that but i can't. i can't make her love me if i shout as hard i can that i love her. it's like wanting to change a rock into an apple using your own words when the truth is she's better with another man. on that day when i heard the news bout jane doe, i just saw my world crumbling down each minutes that passes by. thank god my classes were cancel for the whole. it's like god has given me a sign saying to me 'relax and take a nap to forget bout the shit that just happened for awhile'. well, i slept through the whole day and i woke up at 10 pm. at the minute when i woke up, i kept saying to myslef 'why does this thing keep happening to me? why? why i don't show my feelings each time when i'm seeing her and being a complete jack off when i talked to her'
dang! sometimes i wish i have the guts to express how i feel about her even if the answer is no, at least she knows that i have the feelings for her. on the same day i knew the news bout jane doe, i was having breakfast with my classmate at my college's cafe. when i was watching the morning view outside the college's cafe, i saw jane doe passes by the cafe and my heart beats faster each time when i saw her. i really want to say hi to her but there's this thing that bothers me that she's doesn't sees me as a friend and don't wanna talk to me anymore but that was all about to change when she say hi to me when my class ended which is damn true. yes! we started talking and make fun of each other like normal friends. when the moment we started talking, it felt like we're staring a new chapter as friends. i care that she's with another man right now but i'm okay with it because she's with a friend of mine which is better mine.
overall, i just wanted to say that no matter what she's going through, i'll always be with her no matter what. she will always be in my heart and it does bothers me a little bit that she's with another man but who am i to control her love life right? it's a feeling that everybody's going through right as the moment i'm typing these words. it's a feeling that everyone can relate to. it's a feeling that only the person can understand. it's a feeling that can only judge by experience and it's a feeling that everyone will going through in their life. at a certain time, we will feel sad, wanna breakdown and just pour our hearts out to express how we feel to the opposite sex. as for jane doe, i'm very happy for her even when i don't have the chance to be in an intimate relationship with her but hey, we're still close friends and i'm fine with it. that's all i can say bout this post.
here's the lyrics to the song 'move along' by the 'all - american rejects'
go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
when you fall everyone stands
another day and you've had your fill of sinking
with the life held in your...
hands are shaking cold
these hands are meant to hold
speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
move along, move along like I know ya do
and even when your hope is gone
move along, move along just to make it through move along
move along
so a day when you've lost yourself completely
could be a night when your life ends
such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
all the days held in your...
hands are shaking cold
your hands are mine to hold
speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
move along, move along like I know you do
and even when your hope is gone
move along, move along just to make it through
move along
(go on, go on, go on, go on)
when every thing is wrong, we move along
(go on, go on, go on, go on)
when every thing is wrong, we move along
along, along (we move along),along
when all you got to keep is strong
move along, move along like I know ya do.
and even when your hope is gone
move along, move along
just to make through,
when all you got to keep is strong
move along, move along like I know ya do.
and even when your hope is gone
move along, move along just to make it through
move along(go on, go on, go on, go on)
right back what is wrong
we move along (go on, go on, go on, go on)
when you fall everyone stands
another day and you've had your fill of sinking
with the life held in your...
hands are shaking cold
these hands are meant to hold
speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
move along, move along like I know ya do
and even when your hope is gone
move along, move along just to make it through move along
move along
so a day when you've lost yourself completely
could be a night when your life ends
such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
all the days held in your...
hands are shaking cold
your hands are mine to hold
speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
move along, move along like I know you do
and even when your hope is gone
move along, move along just to make it through
move along
(go on, go on, go on, go on)
when every thing is wrong, we move along
(go on, go on, go on, go on)
when every thing is wrong, we move along
along, along (we move along),along
when all you got to keep is strong
move along, move along like I know ya do.
and even when your hope is gone
move along, move along
just to make through,
when all you got to keep is strong
move along, move along like I know ya do.
and even when your hope is gone
move along, move along just to make it through
move along(go on, go on, go on, go on)
right back what is wrong
we move along (go on, go on, go on, go on)
p/s : i don't know why i'm putting the word 'and' too much on my blogging *sigh*
budakkacamata. chalo <3
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